December 12 marks a month after Nanang passed away. But up to this time, the pain of losing her is still as fresh as ever. Life has changed since. And even my view of life has changed.
Long before, I would not fear death. To me, death is freedom. Death means the beginning of a new life. Death leads to eternal life. It is so easy to rationalize and explain.
It is so easy to reflect on it during retreats and recollections. Life has to be lived as if everyday is the last day. I had always been aware of this. Even as I enter into every single class. I wanted to teach as if it would be my last day.
I have no doubts. Nanang is now in peace. Not resting in peace, but in the joyful company of the angels and saints with the blessings of the Lord and the Father Almighty. Nanang lived a full life of 64 years. Short yet meaningful. Short yet well lived.
While I am consoled with the thought that Nanang is with the Lord, the pain of not having her nearby is still there. I couldn't hold her hand anymore. I couldn't kiss her anymore. I wouldn't be able to see her smiles anymore, especially this Christmas. There were no Christmasses that I haven't thought of her. We would always have little things for her to make her smile. And how I loved to see her joy within. Together with Tatang, both of them were always the gracious receivers. Tatang would playfully flaunt the gifts he recei
ves, especially to his grandchildren. And everyone would have a hearty laugh.
It's been a month. But up to this time, I still can't get over with the grief and pain. And I wouldn't want to lose the feeling. It makes me remember my Nanang. It makes her alive in my heart. It makes me her child as ever.
Nanang, I love you so much...!
1. Tatang and Nanang with the school where I work as a backdrop.
2. Our gift to Nanang on her birthday in April 2003
Long before, I would not fear death. To me, death is freedom. Death means the beginning of a new life. Death leads to eternal life. It is so easy to rationalize and explain.
It is so easy to reflect on it during retreats and recollections. Life has to be lived as if everyday is the last day. I had always been aware of this. Even as I enter into every single class. I wanted to teach as if it would be my last day.I have no doubts. Nanang is now in peace. Not resting in peace, but in the joyful company of the angels and saints with the blessings of the Lord and the Father Almighty. Nanang lived a full life of 64 years. Short yet meaningful. Short yet well lived.
While I am consoled with the thought that Nanang is with the Lord, the pain of not having her nearby is still there. I couldn't hold her hand anymore. I couldn't kiss her anymore. I wouldn't be able to see her smiles anymore, especially this Christmas. There were no Christmasses that I haven't thought of her. We would always have little things for her to make her smile. And how I loved to see her joy within. Together with Tatang, both of them were always the gracious receivers. Tatang would playfully flaunt the gifts he recei
ves, especially to his grandchildren. And everyone would have a hearty laugh.It's been a month. But up to this time, I still can't get over with the grief and pain. And I wouldn't want to lose the feeling. It makes me remember my Nanang. It makes her alive in my heart. It makes me her child as ever.
Nanang, I love you so much...!
1. Tatang and Nanang with the school where I work as a backdrop.
2. Our gift to Nanang on her birthday in April 2003
