Series of High Profile Deaths

As if we were not yet relieved from a death of an icon, here came another.

Our very own Francis M, a master Pinoy rapper and advocate of authentically Pinoy passed away on March 6, 2009 at the age of 44. He succumbed to multiple organ failure secondary to severe sepsis and secondary to pneumonia, his doctor confirmed. The rapper was earlier diagnosed to have acute myelogenous leukemia.

On June 25, 2009, pop icon and superstar Michael Jackson collapsed at his rented mansion. Reports about the cause of his death confused many. Some claimed it was due to an overdose of a certain drug. Others blamed failure of the initial interventions given him when found vegetable. The Los Angeles coroner treated it as homicide against his personal physician. No matter what the circumstances were, one thing was definitely saddening: he is gone. Michael was known for his famous strut dance moves and moon walks. He gyrates onstage, often holding his crotch to the screams of fans. I was able to watch a DVD of his HISTORY concerts. Thousands of fans shriek as he conquers the stage. He statues himself to dramatically segue his moves. Even just a single flip of his fingers caught on big screen would send his audience to real frenzy. Strutting his arms and legs could cause spells of fainting and tears flowing down a river on fans' eyes. His moonwalks would blow the fans away! There was magic in his every single concert. I loved his Jackson 5 years. His Give Love on Christmas Day has become immortal. I like the beats of Billie Jean, Thriller, and Beat It. The drama of Heal the World calls on everyone. His help in We Are the World of USA for Africa is unforgettable. More so for his transformation from black to white. He had his share of controversies. But now everything under the bridge. He is gone but to the billion of fans worldwide, me included, he lives.

August 1 made all of us in the Philippines grieved for the loss of the icon of Philippine democracy. Cory Aquino succumed to heart failure as she battled for colon cancer.

Now it is Ka Erdy Manalo, 84, of the Philippine endemic Iglesia ni Cristo. Executive Minister of the INC, he was a king maker. Whoever his choice was during elections would definitely make it big. There is just one INC vote, so to speak. His steadfast stewardship of the flock founded by his father, INC Founder and 'angel' Felix Manalo, was undoubtedly to the full and brimming. He died of heart attack.

Series of high profile deaths. The year 2009 must be unforgettable. I hope no one else follows very soon. Let's have a rest. Let's grieve and breath.

Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord.

And let perpetual light shine upon them.

May they rest in peace.

Amen.

The Campo Trexo

Venue: Campo Trexo

Place: Alfonso, Cavite

This is a real and authentic forested place. The topography is a challenge. There's a slope of a hill, a ravine, a shallow creek, shaky hanging bridges, wall climbing facilities, rapelling drop, gliding range, camping sites, trekking trails, etc.

Whoa! The place is even slippery when wet!

A good place indeed for group dynamics, bonding, adventure, communing with nature. Just be ready to get tired at the end of the day.

The Forest Club

We were brought to Bai, Laguna one day for an ocular inspection of a possible field trip venue for our students. The place was Forest Club.

I should not wonder. Laguna is known for Mt. Makiling, which is a forest sanctuary. But Bai is not that really forested. When we reached the place, it was as if we were entering Fern Gully. A big green gate welcomed us. When it was opened, all I could say was WOW!

The place reminded me of my former childhood playground. I grew up near a forested place. In fact, our house then was at the foot of a hill. Facing our house was a range of great mountains which were just a few steps away. In 15 to 20 minutes, you are in the thick of the forest.

Along the crevices of the forest ran brooks and creeks. My brother and I would often go to the creek after our dismissal in the afternoon and would bring home basinful of big padaw or udang to the delight of our mother. How did we do it? We would catch them just by our hands by wading into the crevices of boulders and rocks. There were plenty to catch. We could see them swimming or hiding underneath the rocks. It was an enjoyable sight.

The forest gave us beautiful sights of nature. Birds would sing their hearts out. There were big kalaws, agile green bullilising, white-dotted martines, noisy salaksak, and many more exotic birds whose local names I don't remember anymore.

The Forest Club reminded me of those memories. But there's a difference. The Forest Club is a man-made forest. The place used to be ricefield. The owner developed it into a forest in a span of only 9 years. The trees were already big when they were planted in the site. But it was a rapid development because one would not even know it just used to be a rice field.

Here are a few shots of the Forest Club:

More than a state funeral

Yesterday's funeral for Tita Cory refreshed back the memories of both EDSA I and the burial of her fallen husband and hero Ninoy.

The 1986 People Power Revolution seemed to have resurrected from the grave of slumber. There was an immense outpouring of gratitude and love for Tita Cory. The Philippines had never before witnessed such a funeral for a family. Only for the Aquinos. Ordinary mortals usually can not even gather a thousand mourners, more so for an interment. Ordinary families usually could reach the cemetery in less than an hour or so. But for Ninoy and Cory, their funeral marches went way beyond 9 hours of solemn procession, flocked by thousands of well-wishers and mourners alike. The sight moved my heart. The images made me wonder when else could we ever witness such funerals again.

I admire the Aquino children for having made a wise decision in not accepting a state funeral for the former President. Perhaps, it would have been a different spirit, a different atmosphere, a different ceremony. True enough, real honor emanated from the Filipino people. Cory's genuine love for the Filipino - his aspirations, his dreams, his struggles - bore fruit of burning love from them. Braving the heat of the sun and the cold heavy downpours, people did not move a bit from where they positioned themselves to bid goodbye to Tita Cory. I glued myself on television watching with my heart than ever before. Tears also rolled down like a river on my cheeks. I could not explain it. I felt the same thing when my beloved Pope John Paul II was about to be interred. I felt the same with the late Jaime Cardinal Sin. The three of them were icons of goodness, sincerity, and serenity of heart. The three of them touched the lives of millions. The three of them were legends of their own. Like Ninoy.

While watching until the end, I was having thoughts of who among the still living Philippine Presidents could muster the same kind of crowd enthusiam and sincerity when it will also his or her turn. I was thinking perhaps Erap might be able to draw also a huge crowd. I doubt if FVR could. What if it were GMA?

One thing is a reality: No other Filipino couple may be able to duplicate the heroism of Ninoy and Cory. It may take me a lifetime to wait for that day when others could emerge like them.

The fever is still on. But I hope that it will not just be a fever. May the spirit of Cory continue to inspire people to aspire for good governance and honesty and integrity both in public and private service.

Prayer for a Happy Death by Pres. Corazon Aquino

I am posting here the prayer written by Tita Cory herself about death. I heard it first over the radio this morning. I surfed the Net then I got it from Inquirer.net.

Almighty God, most merciful Father
You alone know the time
You alone know the hour
You alone know the moment
When I shall breath my last.

So, remind me each day
Most loving Father
To be the best that I can be.
To be humble, to be kind,
To be patient, to be true.
To embrace what is good,
To reject what is evil,
To adore only You.

When the final moment does come
Let not my love ones grieve for long.
Let them comfort each other
And let them know
how much happiness
They brought into my life.
Let them pray for me,
As I will continue to pray for them.
Hoping that they will always pray
for each other.

Let them know that they made possible
Whatever good I offered to the world.
And let them realize that our separation
Is just for a short while
As we prepare for our reunion in eternity.

Our Father in heaven
You alone are my hope.
You alone are my salvation.
Thank you for Your unconditional love. Amen.

Godspeed, President Cory...

Early today at 3:18 a.m., the beloved icon of Philippine democracy passed away. She was 76.

President Corazon Sumulong Cojuangco Aquino fought hard with the Filipino people an irreversible colon cancer. Her demise was announced officially by her son, Sen. Benigno "Noynoy" Aquino III.

"Our mother peacefully passed away at 3:18 a.m. of cardio-respiratory arrest," he told reporters.

It must really be a difficult and trying moment for the family. To lose a mother like Tita Cory is likened to losing your strength in an uphill battle. I experienced it myself when my own mother passed away.

I knew it from the start that when the media began to continuously give newsfeeds on the condition of Tita Cory, her body was about to give in. The inevitable came nearer. But we love her to be with us for more years to come. The Filipino people stormed heavens with prayers for her to recover from the dreaded colon cancer. Up to the end, we never wanted to give up as a people because of our love for Tita Cory. I may not have joined the novena of Masses covered by the media. In my own little way, I asked my students to join me in praying for Tita Cory before and after my classes with them.

When I learned this morning over the radio and television that she has finally passed away and joined the Almighty in heaven, there was a lump in my throat. As I was listening to some tributes over the radio, I felt I was losing again my own mother. Indeed, she was simply a mother to all of us, the Filipino people who are vigilant on the excesses of those in power.

To me, Tita Cory was a woman of strength. She was a woman of principle. She was the symbol of triumph against an oppressive regime. She stood by her husband, Ninoy, in his fight for freedom and democracy for the Filipino people. Though a political novice, she accepted the seat of power in Malacanang with all humility - armed with her strong faith in the Almighty in leading a divided and wounded country. She did not fail the Filipino people in showing there's hope after the dark ages of martial law. As a transition president, she stood ground in rebuilding back the confidence of the people in their government. She instituted reforms that restored back the freedom and democracy that had been robbed from the people during the dark years of martial law. She was steadfast in fulfilling her mission as a transition President despite some series of coup de'tat that wanted to grab power. She did not falter. She showed to the world that though she was a simple widow who was even reluctant to be pitched against the most feared and powerful dictator in a well-machinated election, she can lead a torn nation into a tomorrow that promises a rising sun of hope.

That was Tita Cory. She finished her term in a smooth transfer of power which I witnessed for the first time in my life. I was not able to see how power was transferred during the Macapagal - Marcos ceremony. Perhaps I was too young then.

Now, Tita Cory is gone. But her memories are forever etched in history. To many of us who saw her as the mother of our nation who gave birth to the democracy that we now enjoy, she will be missed so deeply.

I must admit it. Tears welled in my eyes for Tita Cory. When I served in the SMT Parish this late afternoon, another lump choked me as Tita Cory's name was read during the Prayers of the Faithful.

As one radio reporter read on the air Tita Cory's prayer about death, which she personally wrote when she was yet President, my admiration grew stronger. She was a woman of faith. She was a woman of God.

Tita Cory was a gift of God to us, Filipinos. And she will forever be.

Tita Cory, thank you so much for not having chosen to be just an ordinary widow after Ninoy's martyrdom. Thank you for having restored back the dignity of the Filipino nation. Thank you for being a model of faith.

Godspeed, President Cory. Be with Ninoy now and with Jesus. Look down upon us with your motherly love and jolt those who have forgotten the martyrdom of Ninoy and the idealism of his widow.

We love you.

Eternal rest grant unto Tita Cory, O Lord. And let perpetual light shine upon her. May she rest in peace. Amen.

Photographs: Reuters

Make a Ghost(tm) image for further protection of your PC

For many years that I had been tinkering with so many computers, I find the use of an imaging software so convenient in restoring back the life and limb of an erratic PC. The Symantec Norton Ghost(tm) is an excellent choice for me.

But there's a caveat before you make an image of your system so that you are assured that once you restore back your image, the PC is as healthy as expected.

I usually follow these steps:

1. Make a fresh installation of the operating system, say Microsoft Windows(tm) on the first partition of your hard disk.
2. Install all the software drivers that the hardware of the system would need to operate crisply.
3. Setup all the software that you wanted to be a part of the recovery image that would be made. Tinker with their settings so that they would function the way you like them before the entire system is imaged. This should include an updated virus definition for your favorite anti-virus software.
4. Do a little diskkeeping task by running a defragging tool to ensure faster access to the needed files when they are run by the system.
5. When satisfied with all your settings, shutdown the system.
6. Reboot the system but choose not to boot from the hard disk. Instead, use a boot CD which allows you to run the Symantec Norton Ghost(tm).
7. Once Symantec Norton Ghost(tm) is already running, choose the option that allows you to make an image of the partition where the entire operating system and all the software that you have installed reside. Save the image file in another partition of your hard disk. Once the image had been successfully done, you are now assured of a healthy recovery image that you can use when things would go wrong with your PC.

This has saved me a lot of man-hours to restore back the health of my notebook and other PCs as well whenever something goes wrong with them. It's quite a tedious task in the beginning but once the image is made, reinstallation, re: restoring back the good health of the PC, is as easy as a breeze. It does not even take 15 minutes to restore back the image.

Wanna try it? Ensure you have the necessary software to use.

Protect your PC with a freezing software

A very annoying and recurrent problem in most PCs is virus attack. Viruses come in many forms and get into the PC system in so many many ways. With most PCs nowadays connected to the Internet, viruses, worms, trojans, and many other forms of malwares can get through stealthily especially to an unsuspecting user. When a system gets infected, though it may have an antivirus software, the antivirus may no longer be able to perfectly clean the system especially if a wrong button or wrong option was executed by an inexperienced user when a warning prompt popped out during a scan. This happens most likely when a USB flash drive is inserted to a USB port. The antivirus could be configured to immediately scan any storage device attached to the system, but a wrong choice of commands or options on what to do with the antivirus warning could easilty upload the payloads of the the viruses residing in an infected flash drive.

The next time that the system is restarted, the virus could already become resident, waiting for its chances to spread like a ferocious wildfire.

To ensure protection, I highly recommend the use of third party software that locks a clean installation of the system. It is expected that before using the third party software, all application software had already been installed and configured. The job of the third party freezing software is to lock the system to its original, uninfected state.

I am fond of using WinRollBack that protects the system and maintains the original setup of the PC prior to its protection. I just have to protect the drive where the operating system is installed. Once WinRollBack is configured to protect the system drive, there would be no way that viruses can infect the system. Any infection is flushed out by the system once the PC is reboot.

Another is DeepFreeze. It also works like WinRollBack. Using any of the two could save the PC from harm caused by either viruses or test installations of software.

Get one now and try it.

Am back!

I truly hibernated for a while. I am pretty sure my followers missed my regular updating of my blog. Sorry for it. I was sooooo occupied with a lot of things that there's not much time left to write my thoughts. At this point, I took time out to relax a bit and break a leg for a while.

I miss blogging. No joke. Because this is the outlet of my soul. My blog chronicles the fragments of my soul. It immortalizes what's in me.

Lately, I was so engrossed with my desktop computer in my office. A brand new Acer Veriton X270. It is powered by Intel Core2Duo with 2GB RAM, integrated NVIDIA GeForce 7100 chipset and a huge 250GB HDD. It has a DVD super multiburner, Gigabit ethernet LAN, 5.1 channel audio, and an HDMI port.

What I like most about it is the audio jacks and the USB ports are just in front. It has a small form factor with its DVD writer lying on its side. The package comes with a 17" Acer LCD Monitor.

It is a sight to behold. So small yet powerful. I hope it will deliver my expectations based on its configurations.

On your birthday, Nanang...

Though it may already be too late for me to write something about my Nanang's birthday (April 13), the thoughts are still as fresh as ever.

I offered a special Mass for Nanang on her birthday. I knew, it was the best gift I could ever give her. Prayers that she will finally be with the Lord in heaven. Wishes that she is happily united with the angels and saints and our family members who have gone ahead to the bosom of the the Father Almighty.

Nanang's birthday is doubly significant for me. A day after is our wedding anniversary with my ever sweet and loving ex-girlfriend. For Nanang, birthdays were always special. I remember those moments when she would text me that she prepared something for my birthday even though I was physically absent in Sanchez Mira. She would text me the special dishes that they prepared for my birthday.

For so many years, even as I could not be physically present in Sanchez Mira on my birthdays because of my work in Bulacan, Nanang always had something for me. Pancit bihon was always on the table. She knew that it was my favorite even when I was yet a kid. All the others would just be garnishings and additional exciting dishes of tinola, pinakbet, kilawen, tinuno, etc. On better days, there would also be imbaligtad or papaitan.

Haayyy... how I miss those days whenever we had special occasions at home. Everybody would have equal share of the best dishes only a loving mother could labor hard for. Arnel, my brother, eventually got his culinary skills from Nanang. Right now, Arnel is our best cook. There's no dish that he could not experiment on. He prepares the best kilawen in town, not to mention his imbaligtad. What about his pa-cham? It has always been my joy to buy the fish or the beef or the carabeef each time that I had a chance to go home. Arnel would prepare them for our sumptuous meals. Nanang taught him the secrets to her culinary art.

Nanang, happy, happy birthday. I miss your special dishes.

Thank you, Recy!

Last week, I attended my MST graduation at SPUP. Recy, my ever dearest cousin, welcomed me and my ex-girlfriend in her 'mansion'. It was truly a very touching accommodation for us. With nothing to worry about.

Recy has always been there for me. Even when we were yet little kids. She was my playmate way back in Nagbaranganan. Hahaha. How beautiful it is to reminisce those wonderful days.

Now, we are on our own. But some things remain: the love and bonding we had, the laughters, the stories, the memories.

I will go home again to Tuguegarao. Not just to relish pansit batil patung, but to go back again down memory lane.

Thank you, Recy... you are a blessing!

MS Graduate!

Finally, I finished my Master of Science in Teaching major in General Science! I even had to catch up with the Cebu Pacific Flight 5J 508 bound to Tuguegarao City at 12:30 p.m., March 21, 2009 after I had presented all the HS candidates for graduation at around 10:30 a.m. so that I could attend the Commencement Exercises at St. Paul University Philippines at around 4:00 p.m. Oh, how I ran as fast as I could when I finally reached NAIA Terminal 3 at about 12:00p.m.! I rushed ahead of the long queue of people on the xray machines just so I could catch up with the plane. Thanks God, they were not boarding yet.

Whew! I reached Tuguegarao City at about 3:00p.m. after a delayed flight, characteristic of Cebu Pacific. Hehehe.

I graduated together with 4 others. We were all ecstatic about the experience of graduating once more. Next, I would finish my doctoral degree.

Snatched!

I can't believe it that it would happen to me for the second time. First, my Sony Cybershot W55 was snatched inside a jeepney while I was on my way back home after a short relaxation at SM Marilao. Then last Sunday, my BenQ P50 was snatched right inside SM Marilao while I was taking pictures of Toni Gonzaga who happened to have been on stage at the Entertainment Plaza.

It was not so much for the phone that my heart cries for. It was my precious list of contacts which numbered to over a thousand. My Globe SIM of (0916)706-44-09 had been my SIM since the year 2000. I stored in my phonebook the hundreds of numbers of the students who became close to me, the numbers of my business contacts, the numbers of teachers, and others whom I have met in seminars, workshops, travels, etc.

I have stored in that phone a lot of data about my transactions that I never wanted to lose. A lot of them were personal files which I always wanted by my side.

I stored in that phone my passwords and serial numbers which are very important in my work. Plus a lot of stuffs.

Arrghh! In one fast and sweeping move, my phone was snatched by a woman waering a black shirt and maong pants. She was quite big. I knew it was her. She was the only one who bumped my side where my phone was. Then she immediately inserted herself into the thick of people watching Toni Gonzaga perform on stage. I was stunned. It happened right before my very eyes! I could not believe it.

I was with my family when it happened. We all went to SM Marilao to scout for some good cellphones for our kids.

Whew! It felt like I lost so much. Up to now, I really can't figure out how I could ever retrieve all my data, not the phone anymore. Or perhaps my SIM which was so precious for me.

Well, I leave it to goodness of heart. I leave it to God. The person who snatched it from me must be someone in need so much of cash that she resorted to snatching my cellphone. It is possible that she got a big problem to solve that needed money. She will not use it, I suppose. She will sell the stuff.

The IMEI of my stolen phone is 354768000038921. The serial number is GS9B500985TG0. The model is 57P50.

Kahit Isang Saglit

Pansit Batil Patung

Each time that I come back home to Tuguegarao City, I won't miss to look for the best tasting pansit batil patung (no, I haven't misspelled any word for it) - a local pride where the pansitan are as numerous as the traysikol (hehehe) plying Metro Tuguegarao.

For the uninitiated, this famous pansit batil patung is coined from the additional savory beaten (batil) egg soup and another sunny-side up egg as a finishing garnish on top (patung) of the mound of pansit. Sorry, but their spelling is patung, not the patong for the Tagalog speakers.The
Ybanags have this strong, 'hard' twang that patong became patung.

The pansit (noodle) is locally done. In fact, many pansitan have their own way of making the noodles. Depending on the pansitan, the noodles may differ in taste, texture, color, and flavor from one pansitan to the next.

Each pansitan carefully guards its secrets so that the others could not copy the distinct flavor and aroma.

The cook is the ultimate defining factor on how savory the pansit is. First, there was this legendary Budyok who started experimenting how to make the ordinary pansit into a culinary novelty. Then there was Tuddao's which added more liver into the concoction. Then others followed suit experimenting on other ways of preparing the Tuguegarao culinary discovery. Now, wherever the best cook is, the best judges would be the traysikol drivers who are the regular customers of pansit batil patung.

But in general, the entire culinary masterpiece is garnished with ground meat (pork or beef), finely chopped liver, plenty of chopped onions, a dash of green onions, sili (if you wish), and savory toyo. The soy sauce is locally produced. The pansit batil patung tastes heavenly, so to speak.

Perhaps all genuine Tuguegarao residents love this culinary discovery.

And I would come back again and again to Tuguegarao City to scout for the next pansitan to savor the aroma and taste of pansit batil patung. I tried Dok's. I went twice to Claire's. I went once to ECL near DepED. Perhaps next time, there will be another hit place for the tasty pansit batil patung.

Memories

When nothing else is left, only memories remain. But these memories are powerful enough to let the person revive and relive the sweet-sorrow again and again and again.

That's what I felt when I scanned back the albums that Nanang carefully and neatly kept in our sala. I saw our pictures when I was yet a child. I saw the familiar places and faces as we grew up. Faces. Smiling faces. Younger faces. Jolly faces.

I saw how time took its toll on the faces and skins of both Tatang and Nanang. Both of them were full of vigor and life during their heydays. I saw Nanang standing on her two feet, a sight I missed before she left us.

I was able to recall our good ol' days way back in the forests of Nagbaranganan. The sights no longer hold true today. The last time I was there was in 1984, almost 25 years past. It was a place where Nanang and Tatang brought us up into who we are now. We stayed in one of the teachers' cottages inside the 105-hectare lot of the school. Our house was the first to be reached when walking from the school as one would follow the trek around the small hill overlooking the school grounds. In front of our house was a citrus orchard almost 3 hectares big. Tatang was the one taking care of the citrus plantation. I remembered how we used to snake into the depths of the plantation and pick the most luscious of the fruits that we could find. Can you imagine one crateful would cost only P15-20? And that would mean about 25-30 kilograms of fresh mandarin!

I also remembered way back when I was in first year high school, we cleared a wide area on the slope of the big mountain for us to plant pineapple. If my memory does not fail me, we must have planted not less than 6,000 pineapple plants. And in a year's time, each pineapple plant would bear a fruit - a whopping 6,000 fruits to harvest and the end of the cropping season. They were sold at P0.25 each! As I reminisce this experience, I can't believe how the Philippine peso then had a great purchasing power compared to these days.

I even experienced rendering student paid labor of P6.00 a day. At the end of the day after manually weeding out rows and rows of mungo plantation, I smile knowing that I already had another six pesos. And I did that daily during the summer months. How I loved the days when I received my hard-earned pay! It was heaven. A school year's tuition fee then was just P13.50.

There were a lot of occasions when my brother and I would go home early from school and go straight to the clear running brook from the slopes of the big mountain. We simply would creep the crevices of the stones under the water and we would be able to practically manually catch big shrimps hiding in those crevices. We would happily come back home with a basinful of our catch and served as our viand. Nanang was very happy each time that we come back home with full catch.

At night, Tatang, Dante, Arnel, and I, including some of our cousins, would go to the river to catch fish, shrimps, crabs, etc. using our locally deviced electric catcher. I was almost always the one carrying the device. We were able to catch a variety of fish and shrimps. By almost 12 midnight, we would come back home all happy and contented. Our catch would serve as our viand for the next days.

Memories. Indeed they come as flashbacks like movie review. They come rushing and I still feel them as fresh as ever. And I thank God that I am still able to. Thank God, I still don't have Alzheimer's.

Beach

We live near the sea. Just a few minutes away and we could be there. It's been quite sometime since the last time that I went there. But I remember it so well that every time that we come back home to Sanchez Mira, we would all go out for a picnic by the beach. The whole family would have a great bonding moment. I would stare at the waves as they break before reaching the shore. Wave pools? Nothing compares to our beach in Sanchez Mira. All natural.

Even as a child, I had always been fascinated by the shores of Sanchez Mira. There's not much very strong winds but the seawaves race towards the shore with all their roars and climb-sweep to the shore wiping the footprints that are left. The waves curl like the legendary Cloud 9 that surfers love to glide with. Then they break as they rush to the bank.

My kids enjoyed our Christmas interlude at the beach. Despite being so cold, they savored every splash and roll of the cool waves. It was a sight to behold, my children enjoying the same sea that I enjoyed when I was also like them.

See how they liked the water!

Christmas Without Nanang

True enough, we celebrated Christmas 2008 so differently. All is present except for one: our Nanang, our mother. I sat on the gas-lift chair where she used to sit. I stared at everyone, seemingly recording everything that transpired. We all had a share of fun and laughter. The kids enjoyed most, receiving their gifts. Everybody had. I am sure, Nanang must have been so happy watching all of us. Listening to our noise. Seeing all of us present, which rarely happens. Tatang was most joyful. He has all his children and all his grandchildren. It must be a memorable one.

But I know, amidst all the laughters and cheers while we celebrated the birthday of our Lord, deep inside Tatang's heart, it must have been yet painful with the thought that Nanang wasn't there anymore. While he belted one of his favorite songs 'I Can't Stop Loving You' by Ray Charles, I could feel his pain inside his heart. I watched. I listened. I reflected. How I wished we could rewind the time and bring back those moments Nanang was still with us. She would probably giggle as Tatang would belt out the song.

Christmas. We dropped by again at the cemetery where Nanang was laid to rest. It was a beautiful day just being with Nanang. It was a different Christmas. But Nanang must be very happy watching all her children and her grandchildren join Tatang on Christmas day. A happy family indeed. Closer like never before.

A Month After

December 12 marks a month after Nanang passed away. But up to this time, the pain of losing her is still as fresh as ever. Life has changed since. And even my view of life has changed.

Long before, I would not fear death. To me, death is freedom. Death means the beginning of a new life. Death leads to eternal life. It is so easy to rationalize and explain. It is so easy to reflect on it during retreats and recollections. Life has to be lived as if everyday is the last day. I had always been aware of this. Even as I enter into every single class. I wanted to teach as if it would be my last day.

I have no doubts. Nanang is now in peace. Not resting in peace, but in the joyful company of the angels and saints with the blessings of the Lord and the Father Almighty. Nanang lived a full life of 64 years. Short yet meaningful. Short yet well lived.

While I am consoled with the thought that Nanang is with the Lord, the pain of not having her nearby is still there. I couldn't hold her hand anymore. I couldn't kiss her anymore. I wouldn't be able to see her smiles anymore, especially this Christmas. There were no Christmasses that I haven't thought of her. We would always have little things for her to make her smile. And how I loved to see her joy within. Together with Tatang, both of them were always the gracious receivers. Tatang would playfully flaunt the gifts he receives, especially to his grandchildren. And everyone would have a hearty laugh.

It's been a month. But up to this time, I still can't get over with the grief and pain. And I wouldn't want to lose the feeling. It makes me remember my Nanang. It makes her alive in my heart. It makes me her child as ever.

Nanang, I love you so much...!



1. Tatang and Nanang with the school where I work as a backdrop.
2. Our gift to Nanang on her birthday in April 2003

Even just for a moment

I am not fond of watching soaps. There were just few occasions when I would pause for a while from my other concerns then watch a little. I never wanted scenes of vengeance, slaps, high emotions, sadness, drama. When I watch TV, I wanted to get informed (news and current affairs, documentaries, investigative reports, etc.) or better yet, entertained (comedy sitcoms). But lately, there is this series on ABS-CBN featuring Jericho Rosales and Carmen Soo entitled Kahit Isang Saglit (Even Just for a Moment) that runs quite late at night. No, don't get me wrong. I don't watch it, really. But the soundtrack, even before it became a soap, already caught the musical side of me.

And lately, I had been searching for a music apt as a background to the video I was planning to make as a documentary on the death of my mother. Tonight, I just felt the urge to switch on our videoke and I had in my mind just to sing Kahit Isang Saglit. Oh God! I was struck by the lyrics! then tears just simply began to roll down my eyes again. I remembered the scenes of the wake of Nanang. the lyrics were so touching. They were so appropriate. The music was soulful. The song made a new meaning to me.

I played it over and over again. I sang it over and over again. Tears continued to roll like a river. I couldn't control it. I was singing it for Nanang. It was coming from deep within.

Here are the lyrics of the song.

Kahit Isang Saglit
by Martin Nievera

Intro: B-Em/B-B-Em/B-


Paano ang puso kong ito
Ngayong lumisan ka sa buhay ko
Kung kailan sumikat ang araw
At lumigaya ang aking mundo

Paano na'ng mga bukas ko
Ngayong wala ka na sa piling ko
Paano mga pangarap
Mga pangako sa bawat isa


Chorus

Sana'y ika'y muling makita ko
Damhin ang tibok ng puso mo
Sana'y yakapin mo ako muli
Kahit sandali, kahit isang saglit
Mayakap ka

Adlib: B-F#/Bb-A-G#7-
C#m-F#-B-B,F#/Bb

Puso ko'y biglang naulila
Iyong iniwanan na nag-iisa

Sana'y ika'y muling makita ko
Damhin ang tibok ng puso mo
Sana'y yakapin mo ako muli
Kahit sandali, kahit isang saglit
Mayakap ka
Mayakap ka