Friday, October 31, 2008

The Chemistry of Love

I got this from a certain website when I tried to give a scientific explanation to a question once posed in friendster: "How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as 'love at first sight'?"

I posted back on that Friendster site this answer on the chemistry of love:

There are a lot of chemicals racing around your brain and body when you're in love. Researchers are gradually learning more and more about the roles they play both when we are falling in love and when we're in long-term relationships. Of course, estrogen and testosterone play a role in the sex drive area. Without them, we might never venture into the "real love" arena.

That initial giddiness that comes when we're first falling in love includes a racing heart, flushed skin and sweaty palms. Researchers say this is due to the dopamine, norepinephrine and phenylethylamine we're releasing. Dopamine is thought to be the "pleasure chemical," producing a feeling of bliss. Norepinephrine is similar to adrenaline and produces the racing heart and excitement. According to Helen Fisher, anthropologist and well-known love researcher from Rutgers University, together these two chemicals produce elation, intense energy, sleeplessness, craving, loss of appetite and focused attention. She also says, "The human body releases the cocktail of love rapture only when certain conditions are met and ... men more readily produce it than women, because of their more visual nature."

Researchers are using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to watch people's brains when they look at a photograph of their object of affection. According to Helen Fisher, a well-known love researcher and an anthropologist at Rutgers University, what they see in those scans during that "crazed, can't-think-of-anything-but stage of romance" -- the attraction stage -- is the biological drive to focus on one person. The scans showed increased blood flow in areas of the brain with high concentrations of receptors for dopamine -- associated with states of euphoria, craving and addiction. High levels of dopamine are also associated with norepinephrine, which heightens attention, short-term memory, hyperactivity, sleeplessness and goal-oriented behavior. In other words, couples in this stage of love focus intently on the relationship and often on little else.

Another possible explanation for the intense focus and idealizing view that occurs in the attraction stage comes from researchers at University College London. They discovered that people in love have lower levels of serotonin and also that neural circuits associated with the way we assess others are suppressed. These lower serotonin levels are the same as those found in people with obsessive-compulsive disorders, possibly explaining why those in love "obsess" about their partner.

Remembering My Lola Edding


I miss my Lola Edding. Very much. The last time I saw her was when we finally laid her to rest in a very simple 6-foot by 4-foot grave. I was the one who gave her the final prayers and blessings being a lay minister myself.

My Lola Edding brought me up since Grade 1 until I graduated from elementary. At my very fragile age, she taught me how to live simply. Her sun-scorched hands were her only weapons to go on with life itself. She cooked some cassava and rice cakes for a living. She would brave the scorching heat of the sun in the cornfields so she could bring home a handful of corn as her share for a week's labor. She would dig deep into the loose soils of peanut farms down in the delta of Lal-lo so that she could augment more her little income from hard labor. Lola Edding practically tilled the soil, which is not even hers, so that she could have every precious centavo that we would need to continue breathing on earth.

Lola Edding filled my heart with a lot of lessons in life. She used to say that the only thing that she would be so happy for us to have would be education. She did not stop dreaming for us. I guess I occupied a very special place in her heart because I am her first grandchild. She must have been so proud of me, why with my extraordinary performance in my elementary school. Each time that I was a part of any program or special number, she was always there preparing the things I needed. She would remedy every single costume I must wear during our Garden Days where we used to have Field Demonstrations. With little money to buy my needs, she would sew the available clothes to ensure that my costume would look similar to those being worn by my classmates.

My Lola, I guess, never finished any course at all. I can still remember how she reacted one time when I asked her to buy me a protractor. "Where on earth can I ever produce money to buy a hand tractor!" she exclaimed. To our laughter!

Being young, my brother and I were always at odds even on little things. We would quarrel to our hearts' delight. Our Lola Edding can only sigh in frustration. At the height of her scoldings, she would blurt out, "Agawid kayo man laengen. Apo, pagsakduan kayo ti basol!" Then my brother and I would run to her and embrace her so tightly.

For so many years after I left her for high school in Sanchez Mira where my parents are, and after having finished college in faraway Tuguegarao, I rarely visited my Lola. I knew she missed me, too.

I was able to visit her again when I introduced my ex-girlfriend to her. That was also so many years ago. Then I brought our first K to her when he was yet a little boy. I knew her eyes were failing her. My Lola would often ask any one who converse with her to repeat what he or she was saying. My Lola Edding was growing grey hairs fast. And her sight and hearing were getting a toll on her.

I was telling myself, I hope I could still visit Lola Edding before she will bid us goodbye.

One day while I was at work, my brother called me up over my cellphone, which he usually does not do.

"Will you be coming home?" he asked.

"Why?" I answered back.

"Lola Edding is gone."

My tears rolled uncontrollably. I was speechless. My Lola Edding already left us. My wish that I should still see her alive did not come true anymore. And at that moment, all I could utter in silence was "May she rest in peace..."

I rushed back home to Camalaniugan to pay her my last respects. Upon alighting from the bus which led me to the old place where I spent my childhood with my Lola, I let go of a heavy sigh. I walked a little towards the old familar place. I was still able to see the mango trees. This time they had grown bigger and older. Their branches became so towering that they provided shade to where I was trekking.

Then I saw light bulbs. I saw the little bungalow house that served as my playground for six long years with my Lola. There she was. In white coffin lit by two yellowish bulbs. My mother was beside the coffin seated on her wheelchair. As I approached and peeped at the face of my Lola, I couldn't hold my tears rolling profusely. I cried silently while looking at her. She seemed to smile back at me perhaps knowing that I was already there. I am her first apo. I must have been her first love. I cried some more knowing that she died without all the glamour in life that others enjoyed. She only knew her backyard garden. She only knew her little beds of vegetables. She only knew her stick to guide her through the bushes around her. Her fingers and palms turned so callous digging the soil, cultivating her few rows of vegetables, gathering some twigs for cooking, and weeding out her precious garden. As I peeped at her so thin body peacefully resting inside her coffin, I wanted so much to embrace her tight for the last time and whisper to her I love her so much and I wish to thank her for all the lessons in life that she taught us and for her unconditional love for us, tears rolled some more.

Ahhh... my Lola. She lived literally poor. She died literally poor. She was not even able to see her complete grandchildren before she left.

We prayed the Rosary for her as we waited for her special Mass which we pre-arranged. Then we finally laid her to rest in her lonely grave after walking beside her coffin.

My Wish

I wish that we shall always be
The sweethearts that we used to be
Two hearts that beat as one can see
Together we will always be

I wish that love abounds always
No hurts, no sorrows, no tears, no waste
I wish you see all, my ways
All meant for you, my wife, my life, my grace

My love shall always be for you
A love that’s yours, a love that’s true
Forever it is yours ‘til time is through
My heart. It is just meant for you!

panyo

puwede bang humingi
ng isang panyo mo
yung gamit na gamit
totoong sa iyo
pinampahid sa pawis
at luha ng iyong puso
gusto kong magkaro’n
ng alaala nito…

take my hand with you...

please don’t take your hand
off from mine
don’t go yet
don’t go down
my heart bleeds
to see you go
can you just take my hand
just take it with you.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Please listen...

Could you just pause
and listen to me?
To the truth of my heart
I wish you could see
Please pause for a while
I beg you dearly
Listen to my heart
please, listen to me…

Don’t listen to the song
that you hear
Listen, instead, to my heart
that is near
Don’t listen to the words
I have to speak
Listen, instead, to the
signs that I keep.

Please listen with your heart
and not with your ears
For if you do there are things
you will miss
Look into my eyes, look straight
make it deep
Read between the lines
and you know what it means...

Naiwan sa Batulao

Naiwan sa Batulao ang aking paa
Kaliwa at kanan, may iniwan sila
Himutok at pait, sugatan kong dibdib
Naiwan sila sa hagdanan ng langit.

Bawat hakbang pagbaba ng burol
Sa gilid ng bangin wari’y hinahabol
Tuluyang iniwan ang yapak ng puso
Mabigat, masakit, simpait ng apdo.

Pupunta ka rin ba sa bundok ng Batulao?
Tignan mo’ng paa ko kung tuyot na ng araw
Kapag nandun pa ang mga bakas doon
Marahil hindi pa naghihilom iyon.

Sa Gilid

Sa gilid ba ng burol ‘ka mo
And lugar na pinuntahan mo?
Sa gilid ban a nakaharap
Sa dambana ng mundo?

Sa gilid ba ng bangin
Ang tinunguhan mo?
Matayog, matarik
Napakalalim nito.

Sa gilid ba ng bundok
Sa dambana ng Poon?
Puso mo’y naiwan
At lumutang doon?

Sa gilid din na iyon
Ang pinuntahan ko
Dinama ang haplos
Ng hangin ng siphayo…

Sa gilid din ng bangin
Nag-isip, tumayo
Wari’y sinusukat
Ang lalim nito…

Sa gilid ng bundok
Puso ko ri’y tumibok
Gusto kong lumundag
Pababang pabulusok!

This place

This place is
a mute witness
of a memory
of a sunrise
and a sunset
of a hug…

This place
is a monument
of a sweet sorrow
of the birth
and death
of an embrace…

This place
is the sunset
of a sunrise
of a sorrow so sweet
the embrace of a friend
a hug of a heart
death of sin
and a birth of life…!

Monday, October 27, 2008

Please Hold On...

Please don’t! Just hold on…
It won’t be long
That he’s gone
Let the bird fly freely
To horizons unexplored
Please hold on
Don’t give up
Your heart may ache
But just for a while.
No! Please don’t!

Hold on. Keep it.
I’m here, a hand
A heart, an ear.
Please hold on
Please don’t.
I’ll wipe your tears
That fall
And hug you tight
With a loving hand.
No! Please don’t.
Just hold on!
Please don’t!

it pains me

it pains me
for your not listening
to the promptings
of my heart…

it pains me
losing your trust
because
you believe only
yourself…

it pains me
oh, it hurts
it aches, it throbs…
it agonizes me..

it pains me
it’s a torture
am tormented
by the sore and tenderness
to my heart it brings…

it pains me
it cuts a bruise
to my innocent heart…

it breaks me…

the arrest

thump… thump… thump…
army marching
wrr… wrr… wrr…
‘copters hovering
“innocent! innocent! innocent!”
people chanting

sounds of unrest
at polk street
a man of power
now under arrest!

truncheons blow
as bottles flew
metal against fists?
not hundreds
but thousands
in uniform
to escort a man

an overkill?
ahh…!
the man has thousands
shielding the grounds, too
vowed to avert
the arrest
of a man
charged with plunder…!

The Card was Rona's Heart

I can’t contain the overwhelming joy I had
For the card Rona on Teachers’ Day gave
It was the best, a most touching one
Truly a treasure even when she’ll be gone!

But it’s not the card that counts the most
It’s the thought, the love, the immeasurable cost
It’s the effort, the care, the sincerest note
It’s Rona, not the card, which counts the most!

If Rona only knew the joy she gave to me
I wonder if stars could twinkle to eternity
Rona will forever be in the bottom of my heart
Not even the strongest storm could set us apart!

You touched my life in a special way
Your thoughts, your love, your heart, your care
My Rona you are a gem yourself
A diamond so bright, so precious, it’s yourself!

Rona this poem I wrote for you
Is nothing with the card that came from you
To me the card was not the card
With it were YOU – your very HEART!

pagsusulit sa chemistry

Piniga ang utak
'Gang sa huling katas
Gusto ng mabiyak
Sa dinanas na hirap
Mukhang 'di papantay
Inubos na galak
Pagsusulit na tunay
Gusto kong maiyak!

Pagsusulit din ang pag-ibig
Pag ito'y totoo
Di mo rin masukat
Ang lalim nito
Pag ika'y nagmahal
At bukal sa puso
Pagsusulit mang tunay
Haharapin ito!

Sa Hagdanan ng Overpass

ulan ma'y bumuhos
hindi papansinin
araw may tumurik
hindi iintindihin
bukas ang mga palad
magaspang, makapal
marumi niyang baro'y
sindumi ng kanal!

langaw ma'y dumapo
sa katawan niyang pagal
nguni't dapat na mabuhay
sa maruming lansangan!

makapal na tao
nakakita sa kanya
bihira ang maawa
minsa'y inaalipusta
sa kapansanang
di siya makakita
sindikato'y siya'y ginamit
mga mapagsamantala!

ulan ma'y bumuhos
araw ma'y tumirik
bukas ang kanyang palad
sa awa ng langit
siya'y isang pulubi
luhaang pumikit!

Baka Ka Antukin

Huwag ka ng maghintay
Baka ka antukin
Maiinip ang diwa
At sasalingin
Ang himutok ng dibdib
Sa upuan mong bangko
Kumupas na ang kulay
Sa katandaan nito
Naghihintay ang hapag
Di ka pa kumain
Sa ingay ng diwa
Gustong mabiyak
Ang puso mong aba.
Huwag siyang hintayin
Siya ay wala na
Isang patay na bituin
Magawa mo na lamang
Ang siya'y tingalain!
Huwag ka ng maghintay
Baka ka antukin!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Missing Rona

The word miss to indicate for the longing on something or on someone has become so overused especially here in the Philippines. It has become so ordinarily used that it has lost its meaning. And when you already use the word so sincerely on someone, you wouldn't know if that someone ever really reads or understands it the way you wanted to convey it.

I miss Rona. Oh so very much. She's someone I could call a 'soulmate' who knows the intricacies of my being. More than mere bestfriend. She is more than it. But don't ever think that there is a relationship way beyond friendship between the two of us. Nope. And never in my thoughts and in my wildest imaginations. It's just that Rona complemented the other missing parts of my being.

Rona is one best friend that I ever dreamt of. My spirit soared each time that she was around. I don't even have to say anything. She did not even had to say a single word. We just had to look each other in the eyes and there's peace. There's life. There's presence.

Rona is now thousands of miles abroad. She now has her own world. She has begun finding a niche of her own. From time to time, she would come home. She would send messages. But the short moments with her only makes my heart long for more. The joy is eternal. The laughters linger on. But in my heart, there's sadness. But in a way, it makes my heart long for her more. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, so to speak.

If there would be someone in my deathbed aside from my own children, my wife, and my family members, I would wish it would be her. To leave would be so peaceful and blissful. Because I know, I would live in all of them, especially in Rona.

I miss Rona. And I wouldn't stop missing her. She is my anak. And I am her Dad. I am a Dad because of her. She made me a dad to everyone. And I know, she loves me the way that I am.

I am missing Rona, again. And again. And again.

Friday, October 24, 2008

If Tomorrow Never Comes

No. This is not about the song you might have heard before. But nonetheless, it found its inspiration in its music.

The thought that tomorrow may never come makes me shiver both with faith and hope, and uncertainty. With faith that the promised life after death will bring me to a new dimension beyond the realms of human capacity to comprehend. With hope that it will be to the eternal life and bliss in heaven where angels and saints reside with God - the source of all good and love. With uncertainty because death could mean the end of one's short stay and existence in this known universe with the slimmest chance that I could be resurrected again, whether as same human being or as another form of matter other than dust. One thing is almost sure - my body will rot, decay, leave some calcium matter, and be part of the soil. The molecules and particles may disintegrate and transform themselves into other forms of matter or be made into energy.

Perhaps for most people, dying and death is something to be feared. There is a natural fear of the unknown. When one crosses another frontier that he is uncertain of, there is almost an instant hesitation to go on and continue. If I were to end this day, I probably will have mixed feelings - anxiety, anticipation, fear, peace, surrender, love, serenity, joy, sadness, loneliness, anger, frustration, etc. But only God knows when that dreaded fateful day will come. Unless we make incidents ourselves that would cost our life as they happen.

If tomorrow never comes, please be my voice. Tell my children (Kevin Paul, Kamille Marie, Karen Jobelle, Kathleen Joy) I love them so much. Tell my wife, Sue, I love her so and thank her for the much love and support. Tell my family members (Tatang, Nanang, Dante, Arnel, Epie Rey, Mae) I've tried to live the best life I could so that I could also be of help in any way I can. But my best wasn't good enough.

Tell my closest friends they are always in my heart and in my memories because I love them so much, too. May I whisper them to you: Rona, Karen, Jhoan, Joycee, Jellie, Jenissa, Julieanne, Aiana, Jackie, Allen, Marissa, Patricia, Tricia, Michael, Ma. Teresa, Joanne, Ikay, Erika, Pauleen, Mila, Alyanna, Harlene, and all those countless faces and nameless figures who have made a difference in my life. If tomorrow never comes, I hope they will miss me, too.

Tell those others whom I failed to mention that their memories would be brought with me as I continue life's journey into the unknown.

To all those whom I have hurt, in one way or another, please accept my sincerest apology. May you be able to forgive me of all my shortcomings with you.

Thank you to all. If tomorrow never comes, let that tomorrow be buried with me so that you would remember only my yesterday with you.

I love you all!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

From Karen

I received a forward from Karen where I hardly couldn't control myself from laughing. It tickled the funny bone inside me. Here was it:
Cabinet Meeting:

GMA: Kung sino man ang tamaan ng bolang i2 ay xang mgreresign.

[initsa ang bola, tumalbog pblik sa knya.]

GMA: Oh, praktis lng un! Time first, Wag tyong excited! Ulet, Ulet...

It makes me wonder how Pinoys can make funny stories. Perhaps we are the happiest people on earth. There's a lot of wit and humor in almost all aspects of Pinoy's life. Just on TV News tonight, Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago was fuming mad in the Committee Hearing on the so-called 'euro-generals'. She was a fighting tiger ready to devour DILG Sec. Ronaldo Puno. She was hot as a thousand chili when the hot 'euro general' snubbed the hearing by not showing himself up. She directed the Senate Sergeant-at-Arms to arrest him and bring his body to the Senate. The hearing must have been really so tense-filled. So hot and spicy. But Marc Logan of ABS-CBN was able to make a funny pun out of the situation in his light feature segment on TV Patrol World!

Truly Pinoy!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep

I chanced upon this very beautiful and touching poem attributed largely to Mary Elizabeth Frye, (1905-2004), but of disputed origin. There had been several versions of this poem but this one old version got the poet in me.

The poem speaks of presence... of reminders... of memories. It speaks of eternity, of love, of life. Of the positive, of the NOW. It is the soul. It's more than the things felt in the absence of another due to the grave. When a person left behind realizes these, the one in the grave is loved so much... And I wish it would also be for me.

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.